Mate Wanted!

To:
Ms Ada Wong
The Dating Loft

Greetings from the Peninsula Valdés in Argentina! I met these two visitors from Singapore last week when they visited my colony. I told them that I was having trouble finding a mate, and they referred me to you; said you are the premier dating agency in Singapore!

I hope you can find me somebody to love. For each morning I get up I die a little, can barely stand on my feet. Take a look in the mirror, and I cry, "Lord what are you doing to me?"

Okay, okay... I'm not really that big a drama Queen... I just like that song, you know?

Anyway, I am searching for someone who would instinctively know which is the right pebble to give me. Quick. Because time passes so quickly, and I am so not a spring chicken anymore...

Here's a picture of me.

Romeo, Romeo, wherefore art thou, my Romeo?

I live in a nature reserve on Peninsula Valdés, which is about an hour's drive from Puerto Madryn in Argentina. It's a little like a condo in Singapore, actually, except our guards will let you in if you pay them some money. Put 45 Argentinean pesos in their hands and they will gladly let you in. That being said, our 'condo' is huge! It covers an area of 3,625 km² - I understand Singapore is only something like 710 km²?

My doctor says I am a healthy specimen of my species, and am expected to live slightly beyond the average age of 25 years.

BUT! My species is being threatened with extinction due to climate change. With rising temperatures, the cuttlefish, krill and other food I normally eat is going further away from shore. So I must quickly find my mate to lay my two eggs, and hope they grow up fast and strong.

I hope the mate you send me will have good genes, because life here is quite harsh for us penguins. Danger abounds everywhere, and we are unfortunately quite far down the food chain.

Fur seals are just as plentiful here, and they have been known to attack us. Fortunately, they tend not to bother us too much, because these chickens are so scared that we will poke our beaks into their eyes. Wussies.

Fur seals can be quite licentious in nature. They don't mind rubbing themselves even when others are present

A more dangerous foe is the elephant seal. They are bigger and faster than the fur seals, and numerous especially in the northern part of the peninsula. That's why we steer clear of them by establishing our colony on the eastern edge. These buggers are generally lazy though - spend their whole day sleeping. So we still manage to make do.

The elephant seal plays dead as well as a possum

Our 3rd natural predator in these parts are the orcas. While the orcas are mostly at sea, there are times when they will zoom right up to shore, and eat anything they find, whether penguin, elephant seals or fur seals. These are the really scary predators, top of the food chain here!

The fin of an orca. Let it come too close and you are 'fin-ished'!

But, I don't want all these talk of predators to make you think that I am a morbid bird. Or a moor bird. I have some excellent character references too!

One of my best friends is Elizardbeth, or Beth for short. She's a gecko. Keeps an eye out for me every now and then. If I get all moody or depressive, she gives me quite a tongue-lashing too!

Elizardbeth also gives great makeup tips! Her sense of color schemes is fantastic!

Oh, and there's also Armold Schwarzenegger the armadillo. Another good friend whom I can always count on for help. I would go, "Hey Armold, could you help me get some food on your way back?" And he'd say in that funny accent of his, "Sure. I'll be bahhk."

I think Armold is destined for great things. He's even planning to get into politics! I would so vote for him to be my governator!

Armold, off looking for a John around the Connor...

Miss Ada, I do so hope you can shortlist some eligible bachelors for me. If there is anyone on your database who is financially secure, loves the beach and doesn't mind sharing some household chores (guys who are willing to share the chores are sooooo manly and full of character! *swoon*), please do let me know.

Please please please please pleasepleasepleasepleaseplease?

Yours Sincerely,
Magella the Magellanic Penguin

P.S Ooooh! A 2D1N relaxing getaway sounds nice! So here's my promo code - TDL Getaway!